


Burnie Is A Bottom

by Feathers



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: M/M, RageHappy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-29
Updated: 2013-06-29
Packaged: 2017-12-16 14:42:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/863193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Feathers/pseuds/Feathers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There was that stupid fucking look on his face, every time Joel saw it, he kinda wanted to punch him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Burnie Is A Bottom

**Author's Note:**

> Don't you fuckin' judge me.
> 
> And I love Burnie and Jinx's relationship. Felt I should clarify.

When Michael “Burnie” Burns touches his hand to Joel Heyman’s knee, he takes a second, knowing it’s a joke and knowing that Burnie will let go any second but he doesn’t, and so Joel glares at him, pointing to say “Not you.” Okay, it was only really about five seconds, but that was enough. Joel was already peeved that Burnie mentioned that the actor felt he would be more successful were he gay. Not only was it a bit too politically incorrect for the podcast for Joel to feel comfortable, but Burnie knew Joel only said that shit when he was drunk. Of course, he was drunk now, but this was different. God damn Burnie and his big mouth.  
  
So Joel glared at him, and Burnie just laughed and pulled back. There was that stupid fucking look on his face, every time Joel saw it, he kinda wanted to punch him. The podcast continued, and Joel’s drunk was fading, and the gnats were getting at him. By the time the podcast was over, Joel retreated through the building, across the lot to the offices, and back to his desk as quickly as he could without speed walking like some asshat.  
  
It was, of course, as soon as Joel got settled and comfortable in his chair that someone decided to knock on his door. He trudges over to see who it is, the weight of his slouch really getting to him today. “Hey, Joel. Can I talk to you for a minute?” Burnie said, biting his lip a bit.  
  
A half of an awkward moment passes when Burnie doesn’t say anything, looking at Joel expectantly, when Joel realizes that Burnie wants to come into his office. Inwardly, Joel sighs, and steps aside to let Burnie in. Today was going to be a long day.  
  
Burnie just smiles and walks around of him.

Joel steps back into his office, Burnie closes the door behind him, and that click of the handle is what gets Joel paranoid. Suddenly, he thinks he’s in trouble. Are they finally tired of him? Honestly, anyone could play Caboose, right? Wait, no. What if they were sending him to another meeting or convention? That would probably be worse than being fired. Joel hated working with people for extensive periods of time; he needed a break. Or maybe Burnie was going to make him pet-sit Joe the Cat again, which he wouldn’t particularly like either. Fuckin’ cat peed everywhere.  
  
When Burnie turned to look at Joel, he was smiling, but seemed a bit nervous. Fuck, he was going to be fired wasn’t he. And instead of just pulling the bandage off quick and painless, the jerk walked around him and sat on the edge of his desk. Joel looked at the chair in front of him, wondering if he should sit in it or just pack up his things now.  
  
“Jeez, man. Take a breather, you look like you’re about to have a heart attack!” Burnie finally says with a chuckle, obviously not in tune with Joel’s thoughts at this point in time. Joel just raises an eyebrow curiously, which just seems to make Burnie smile wider. “Hey, look. I just wanted to apologize.” Joel just replies with a look of confusion and minor annoyance at Burnie’s inability to ever get to the point. Burnie huffs another laugh and bites the inside of his cheek, which makes this weird shape with his mouth. “For in there- ya know. In the podcast.” He waves his hands in what is supposedly the general direction of the other building.  
  
It’s this statement that makes Joel crack a smile, chuckling at the floor as he does. “What about? We always make jabs at each other, Burns. That’s what guys do; we don’t take it personally.” Burnie nods, waving his hands, interrupting Joel.  
  
“I know, I know, I know. I mean- That’s just it. I kinda have a tendency to keep rambling during the podcasts and, well. Gus and Gav are used to it, seeing as they’re on the podcast the most, but you haven’t been on that much lately I might have said something personal? I dunno. I just- I just wanted to say sorry if I said too much.”  
  
During his entire spiel, the two of them couldn’t really stop laughing quietly at each other.  
  
“What, what are you laughing at?” Burnie asks hypocritically as he also continues to giggle. Joel gives him a sideways look and a crooked smile, a little hesitant.  
  
“Nothing, man. It’s just, well,” Joel begins, cutting himself off to sigh and find the words. “I guess we’re just getting old.” There’s a moment. Because, the idea of that is stupid, and obvious, but they both understand. Their maturing, finally. Their responsibility is finally catching up with them and they feel the need to keep a safe space, when, back when they were kids, they wouldn’t give a fuck. They grew up fast after college, but perhaps this ‘politeness’ was slow in the uptake.  
  
Or maybe that’s just Joel thinking too much into it, because Burnie just gives Joel a look that he’s nuts. “Pfft. Please, you still have almost two years on me.” With that, Joel felt the weight of ‘politeness’ from just a moment ago drop like a brick and things were back to normal.  
  
“Yeah, well. I can still kick your fuckin’ ass,” Joel jests, says, plopping down in the chair next to him, lounging back.  
  
Burnie squints at him, a sneer on his face that expresses just what he feels about that statement. “You really think you can take me on, old man?” he says, hopping off the desk and gesturing his hands in a ‘come at me’ motion. Joel gawks at him, lips turning up at how absurd the notion is. “C’mon! Get up!” he continues, bouncing from foot to foot. Joel still doesn’t move.  
  
Burnie raises his fists in an awkward position and teases “Put ‘em up, put ‘em up!” in that mock of a Popeye impersonation. Joel finally gives a good guffaw, leaning away in his chair as Burnie comes at him, throwing light punches at his arm. This is how it normally was like between them. Light-hearted and fun with little worry of offending each other. And with the stress that Joel went through daily, it was a relief.  
  
Joel grabs at one of the fists thrown at him and held it, twisting it around like a stick shift as Burnie kept at it, crowding him with warmth and beard against his shoulder, still giving little jabs. “Harassment!” Joel half calls out, his plea caught in a laugh. “This is harassment! Somebody help!” It seemed that his friend was done though, standing straight again and dusting himself off. When Joel looks out his window, Chris and Miles were in view, just laughing at them. “You fuckin’ jerks!” Joel playfully yells. “See if I help you guys when you have to deal with this asshole.” The boys just giggle and carry on with their work.  
  
When Joel looks back at his friend, he was still smiling in the way that Joel wants to punch him, but it was a good punch. He hadn’t even looked away from the older man, had he, the weird fucker. The only thing Joel thought to do was feign a launch at him, only bouncing in his chair, which made the bossman flinch, ducking away with his hands raised in defense, chuckling.  
  
He retreats to the door, opening it before putting on a mock-up of a figure of authority and gave a quasi-stern “Get back to work,” before walking away.  
  
Joel just smiles and turns back to his computer to continue typing up his next script before Burnie leans into his office again, head poking through the door.  
  
“Drinks at my place tonight?” he suggests.  
  
“B.Y.O.B?” Joel asks, not even bothering to say yes.  
  
“Nah, bud. It’s on me,” Burnie said. The guy really fuckin’ smiles too much.

They were on Burnie’s couch, both of them about four or five beers deep and maybe a few shots, arguing as Arrested Development played on the television screen, background noise by this point really.  
  
“But Joel! That doesn’t make any sense!” Burnie said, smiling broadly whilst trying to sound serious as he leaned on the arm to the opposite side, legs raised onto the couch. Joe the Cat had lounged in his lap, nudging the man’s hand to pet him. His face was flushed, in between the drinking, laughing, and more drinking. “You spent so many years around these actors and actresses, and you didn’t sleep with any of them? C’mon, man. Not even Cathy Griffon?”  
  
Joel nearly spat his beer out but manages to swallow it back, coughing a bit, making Burnie snicker a little. “Hey, she is a lovely human being,” he rebuts, pointing and looking directly at Joe the Cat, as if he has said the accusation. Pointing at Burnie, Joel continues. “And I didn’t say I never fucked any of them. I said I’m not going to tell you!” The other man pouts, as if that would do anything besides make Joel stare at his lower lip for a second or two.  
  
“We’re best friends!” he exclaims a little more loudly, causing Joe the Cat to run off his lap, which makes him pout even more pathetically, watching the cat waddle away like the little fuckface he is. “We share everything! And that means if you fingered A.J. Cook behind the set, you gotta share the details!” The older man just shook his head, a quiet smile on his lips. His friend continued to look at him expectedly for only a moment more before his body deflates a little, a sign of giving up.  
  
Joel takes a moment to eye Burnie as he picks at his beer bottle label distractedly. He felt a little odd in acknowledging that he always felt more relaxed around Burnie, and that fact alone made him tense up. It was almost a constant sense of contradictory and god this sounds stupid as all hell, but fuck it, Joel’s drunk. Everyone gets philosophical when they’re drunk. “Why do you even care?”  
  
“Huh?” Burnie hums, smiling even though he didn’t hear what the fuck Joel just said. For fuck’s sake, Joel’s going to punch him in the fucking face.  
  
“I said,” Joel drawls out, lip quirking up for a second, “Why do you even care? I mean, it’s not like- It’s not like I ask about what you got up to with Jordan.” The man just makes a face and waves off the comment and then Joel remembers it’s not okay to bring up ex-wives of eleven years, so now he kinda wants to hit himself.  
  
“That’s different, Joel,” he disagrees, hardly even slurring. “You hung out with celebrities.”  
  
“We’re kinda celebrities,” the older man explains; short and to the point.  
  
“Well yeah, but-” Burnie pauses, flailing his hands at Joel as if to whack away his logic. “But we’re not big, Hollywood stars like Mila Kunis or someone.”  
  
“I can honestly say I did not sleep with Mila Kunis,” he teases, having another sip of his beer, making a face when he realizes it was the stout. He places it to the side and grabs another, from the box on the coffee table. He pats around the couch for the bottle opener, distracted by Netflix auto-playing the next episode and the opening titles blaring a little. Burnie grabs the bottle out of his hand and has the cap in his teeth before Joel can even stop him, popping it open effortlessly. Suddenly, Joel starts looking at Burnie’s lips perhaps a little too long, and then there was the bottle in his hand, the awkward touch on his fingers, and he pushes the stupid thoughts away and goes back to watching this stupid television show as he stupidly gulps down half of his stupid drink.  
  
Amazingly, Burnie isn’t done, nudging the other man in the thigh with his foot. Joel looks at him, eyebrow quirked, and Burnie just continues to fucking smile. Was that-? That was an invite. Wasn’t it?  
  
Fuck if he knew, but it must have been something, because Joel leans towards him, hesitant, and Burnie just stares at his lips. Then they nearly fucking threw themselves at each other like fucking teenagers, and how had Joel not noticed that Burnie had been flirting earlier. Fuck.  
  
And, fuck awkward, it was painful at first, their faces coming together too hard too fast, and Joel missed at the awkward angle and lands on the corner of his lips at first, but that didn’t stop them. Burnie was grabbing at the older man’s hair before they had even gotten comfortable, so Joel abruptly pushes him back, taking a moment to put his beer on a coaster on the coffee table.  
  
“What? I thou-?” Burnie huffs, arms thrown to the side and looking a little surprised and a little rejected.  
  
“Shut up,” Joel laughs, effectively interrupting him. As much as he liked that he could get that reaction from the guy, he just smiles and says simply, “If we’re doing this, we’re doing it right.” With that, he climbs over Burnie, straddling his legs.  
  
“Fuck yes,” Burnie nearly whispers, still looking a little shocked while he watches Joel’s muscles and tendons bend and curve as he peels his shirt off. “Nice,” he says, and they both know it’s stupid, but who the fuck cares. As much as Joel likes to get his dick wet as quickly as possible, Joel loved to tease. And a flustered Burnie seemed like a fan-fucking-tastic idea right now. But, just a moment.  
  
“You’re sure you want-” and Joel doesn’t even finish before the man between his legs looks at him like he’s a fucking idiot. The older man tilts his head and shrugs, as if it was at least worth trying. Then a rough hand cups around the back of his neck and gently pulls him down. They’re not fucking amateurs; they know how to kiss. And this position is much better, so Burnie takes advantage and swipes his tongue across the tip of Joel’s own before their lips meet again and then it’s not a fight for dominance. It’s playing around to see what each other likes, because how the fuck can you enjoy something if they don’t enjoy it also.  
  
Even with his shirt off, the older man felt that exaggerated warmth that came with just a tad more than a buzz, and Burnie’s hands were cool, rubbing up and down on his back. Fuck, that felt nicer than it should have. All of this shouldn’t have been happening, not because he didn’t want it to, but because it went against his normal routine. Single guy that went to bars only when it was with friends, and if he just so happened to pick someone up, great. Not making out like teenagers on the couch with his best friend whom he had attended the wedding of all those years ago.  
  
“Damn, Joel,” Burnie sputtered, pulling back for a second with his glasses slightly askew. His lips were curved up, red and glossed and almost thoroughly kissed. “It’s about friggin’ time you got a clue.”  
  
“Shut up, dick head,” Joel whispered before kissing him again, shifting his hands under the front of his friend’s shirt, pleasantly met by the touch of a light happy trail. Slowly, he pushed up, dragging his fingers against the hair that gradually grew thicker the farther he went, pinching a nipple with his index and middle finger. That made the younger man hiss into his mouth for only a moment, biting at Joel’s lower lip.  
  
Freeing one hand from the shirt, Joel grabbed Burnie’s glasses and half-hazardly threw them on the coffee table. He pulled back, much to the other man’s dismay, displayed in a quick thrust of the hips that Joel met in a downward drag, making the other man hiss again. Joel silently apologized by helping Burnie take his shirt off.  
  
By the time it covered half of his face though, Joel took the moment to tighten his grip on the shirt, holding it behind Burnie’s head, effectively entrapping his arms and blindfolding him slightly. He tried to move, but Joel held fast. Burnie just smiled. “Didn’t expect you to be into light bondage, Joel.” He shut the man up with another tweak to the other nipple that made his mouth drop open in the prettiest way.  
  
Leaning back, Joel examined the body below him, noting the larger than expected biceps held in those short, tight sleeves. “Lookin’ good, Burns,” he complimented before meeting the other’s face again, still blindfolded by the shirt. Feather light, his lips brushed the bounded man’s lips, making him reach forward, and Joel avoided. Instead, he set butterfly kisses and little nibbles to Burnie’s jaw, making his way down to the neck.  
  
Using his other hand, Joel went to the younger man’s pants, pushing a heavy palm against the denim of the nearly erect penis he’d found. Burnie wriggled a bit, trying to get out of the shirt, but not with that much effort. Joel rewarded him by quickly unbuttoning and unzipping his pants, pushing them down as far as he could, and brushing his fingers against the fabric. Humming against Burnie’s neck, Joel chuckled, “Never expected you to be a boxer briefs kinda guy.” Burnie just responded by bucking lightly into Joel’s hand, his dick twitching even more so to life.  
  
Pulling the boxer briefs down, Joel realized that Burnie’s cock was pretty fuckin’ huge. Like, not record worthy so, but something to be proud of. At the older man’s pause, Burns laughed and said quietly “Honestly, I’m a show-er, not a grow-er.” The older man just grunted and took the cock in his hand, gripping lightly. At first, there wasn’t much of a reaction, but after a few pumps, Burnie’s mouth was falling open again, his breath tickling Joel’s hair as he continues lapping at the man’s neck.  
  
Making his way lower, Joel let go of the shirt, but his friend made no effort to move. Sliding down, the brunette adjusted so that the exposed cock was in his face. Teasingly, he dragged the flat of his tongue heavily up the frenulum and over the head. The whine that came out of Burnie’s mouth was something to behold, really. As an experiment, Joel let his tongue circle the head of the dick, listening as Burnie panted. Then, abruptly, he took half of the cock into his mouth, continuing to tongue at the head, bringing a long, shaky groan from Burnie.  
  
The older man bobbed up and down, switching between a fast and slow rhythm to see just what brought which noise from the man beneath him. Tracing the vein brought the lowest groan, paying attention to the head made him breathe out a long line of obscenities, touching or licking the balls made him hiss – in a good way. And pressing a single finger against that soft region right behind made him whine and push against Joel’s finger. Had his other hand not been holding Burnie’s hips to calm him, he didn’t know if the guy would fuck his throat of fuck himself against his fingers first, with the way he was writhing under him.  
  
Looking up, Joel noticed he was straining against his binds, biting his lip as his chest expanded and fell. Really, when the fuck had Michael Burns become this gorgeous – shit. Joel drew back, letting his saliva build up on the other man’s cock. Burnie just muttered to himself, “I swear to God, Joel,” in a breathy tone. The other man smiled.  
  
“Burns,” he called to attention. The man struggled for a moment or two, but tugged the shirt up enough to see Joel’s mouth hovering over his dick, a string of saliva and precum hanging between them. The sight made Burnie groan, eyes slammed shut, dick giving a twitch or two.  
  
Discarding the shirt finally, he grabbed Joel by the hair with a tight fist and pulled him up into a kiss. Joel felt the man’s tongue basically fuck his mouth. After, he sucked hard on Joel’s tongue, both of them moaning as they thrust into each other.  
  
“If you don’t fuck me right now,” he gasped, grip tightening in the soft, crazy brunette hair between his fingers, “I swear to fucking Christ, you’re fired.” His bluff was betrayed by a smile, and Joel had to let his head fall to Burnie’s shoulder as he was caught between a laugh and a moan. He could feel his own erection pressing against the dip in the other man’s hip.  
  
“We’re not doing this here,” Joel demanded, climbing off the couch, giving Burnie another kiss, and another, leading him to the bedroom he’d only ever seen in the daylight. But, apparently, Burns was in a rush, walking Joel backwards as he unzipped the older man’s pants, and shoving his boxers down and palming his cock without hesitation as they continued to make out.  
  
“Fuck, Burnie,” Joel gasped as they made it through the doorway. He was then pushed back against the wall with a laugh, the grip on his dick just fucking right, fingers so fucking soft. He had his head leaning against the wall when Burnie just smiled at him.  
  
“Wanna fuck me against the wall?” he wondered aloud, nipping at the man’s jaw. The response was a groan and he just pushed Burnie towards the bed. “Next time maybe?” he winked, pulling off his pants as the brunette followed suit. Sitting down, the honey-blonde placed a pillow behind his lower back for easier positioning.  
  
Once Joel had his pants and boxers off, he tackled Burnie onto the bed, cupping his friend’s jaw with both hands. He heard fumbling on the side before a cold, plastic tube nudged at his arm. Blindly, determined to keep his mouth on that glossy mouth of Burnie’s, Joel squirted some onto his fingers and went straight down. With his middle finger, he circled the ring of muscles slowly, making Burnie throw his head back in a hiss. Joel stopped for a moment, but Burnie just nodded with a “just been a while” and a smile. “Forgot you were left handed,” Burnie chuckled in a breathless way that Joel decided he really, really liked. With another kiss, Joel worked his way down, taking the other man’s still hard cock into his mouth again, causing him to grunt.  
  
One finger after another, occasionally brushing against the prostate, even more so occasionally letting his cock hit the back of his throat, the younger man was soon fucking himself on his friend’s fingers, writhing and moaning, bending in a beautiful arch. By the time Burns was muttering out “please” and “Joel” over and over and over again, Joel was pretty damn sure he hadn’t been this turned on by another person’s reactions in a long time. It wasn’t until he got a good yell out of him that the brunette was sure he was ready, and it was about fucking god damn time.  
  
Joel leaned back over him, kneeling between his legs, reaching his clean hand over in the drawer for a condom. Before he could even think, Burnie had it out of his hands, torn open, rubber slid onto his cock, giving him a few pumps for good measure. Lining himself up, he pushed the tip in and his jaw dropped open. Fuck, he was still tight, and Burnie knew apparently, from the way he threw his arms to the side and fisted the sheets.  
  
Ghosting his hands up Burns’ sides, feeling the newly defined muscles curve around his ribs, the Joel kept giving short, slow pumps of his hips, trying to work himself in. About halfway, the man beneath him groaned deeply. He quirked his lips up at the side a bit, saying “That all you got?” Joel snickered back, lifting one of Burnie’s legs up under his arm and slowly began to push in without stopping, making his eyes flutter shut.  
  
“Fucking shit,” Burnie whimpered, dragging the two words out to be an entire sentence. When he bottomed out, Joel had a very strong urge to remember how to breathe, while apparently Burnie was gasping enough air for the both of them. Helping out finally, Burnie wrapped his arms around Joel’s shoulders, carding one hand into his crazy hair. Having forgotten to move, he was brought down into a sloppy, open-mouthed kiss as motivation.  
  
Gradually remembering how to use the lower half of his body, Joel began by pulling out even more slowly, making himself hiss, before he thrust in again.  
  
They began an easy rhythm, Burnie’s legs moving higher and higher before hooking around Joel’s waist, giving them both a perfect position for something faster. “Joel,” Burnie whispered, the tone begging him to open his eyes. When he did, their eyes met, and Joel was suddenly really glad he’d been prompted to look up. Man, Burns looked fucking hot like this. The sight made him twist his hip up at an angle to hit the prostate, making Burnie whine just a tad. Once, then twice more, his friend let go of him and grabbed clumsy at the headboard before latching on, bracing himself. Even his arms - shit. Burnie Burns’ arms didn’t have a right to look like that.  
  
Holding on to the other man’s hips, Joel began pumping faster and faster, hips moving in a circular motion. He didn’t know how long they’d been going for but his muscles felt like they were going to be jell-o tomorrow, not that he’d mind. Seeing the sweat on Burnie’s skin, he felt the need to kiss and bite and lick at his neck, and so he did. With his free hand, he wrapped his hand around the man’s dick and matched his own rhythm.  
  
He could hear every little noise Burnie made in his ear and, honestly, could not be more thankful that he was noisy, because every little pant, every little moan, every long string of curse words that fell from his lips made it all the better. “I knew you wouldn’t be able to shut up in bed,” Joel mumbled into his neck with a grin, which made Burnie laugh.  
  
“Ima- ah!” he gasped, arching onto Joel’s cock. “Imagine fucking me into the mattress often?” That damn cocky smile that pissed Joel off so much. But now he could kiss it off of him, and he did. He trust his tongue into Burnie’s soft mouth, a groan coming from the bottom of his throat as he fucked into his friend harder.  
  
He leaned over to Burnie’s ear and grunted, “Only about as often as you’ve dreamt about me – sucking me off, riding my cock, or screaming my name as you wake up in the middle of the night.” Joel had no idea if any of that was true, but apparently it gave the desired effects as Burnie was coming all over himself within seconds. As much as he was noisy during sex, his orgasm was silent.  
  
And Joel wasn’t sure if his face was flushed out of embarrassment or bliss, but seeing him thoroughly fucked like that – mouth open, eyes shut, back bending beautifully, muscles clenching down on his dick, all at the same time, Joel wasn’t too far behind.

After cleaning up and having the best damn sleep he’s had in a while, Joel wakes up on his stomach in Burnie’s bed, other man curled around him with an arm and a leg over him. It takes him a second before he realizes what woke him up was his cellphone vibrating in the other room.  
  
As quietly as he could, he carefully removed himself from Burnie’s embrace. He silently opened one of the dresser drawers and pulled out a pair of sweatpants, pulling them on. Can’t walk around naked in another person’s house; that’s indecent. They hung low on his hips, but stayed. They were soft and extremely comfortable to his tired muscles.

When he walked back into his friends room, cellphone in hand, he saw a glimpse of a worried, maybe upset Burnie, very awake and lying back, looking distraught. Joel was a little confused, and hoped it wasn’t because of last night. So he just spoke up. “Geoff texted me, wondering if I was up for lunch.” The sudden noise of his voice caught the other man’s attention, who sat up immediately, leaning on his elbows.  
  
Burnie gave him one long glance over, eyes lingering on his own pair of sweatpants and Joel got nervous. “Sorry, I just- I didn’t think jeans would be very comfortable right now.” Burnie beamed at him, which Joel returned, walking back to the bed. Burnie scooted forward and grabbed Joel by the draw strings, pulling him back onto the bed where they met in a kiss.

**Author's Note:**

> I swear to God.


End file.
